Spelling Changes our World

What if you took everything you thought you knew about nonverbal autism and threw it out the window? What if, instead of presuming an intellectual disability, you presume competence? What if you changed your mindset to presume that people with autism are smart and can learn anything; that they see and hear the world around them and absorb information like sponges? What would that look like?

It would look like us. Our family. Right now.

It has been some time since I posted to this blog. As many of you can relate, life just got in the way and writing about it seemed like the last thing I wanted to do. Peter is now almost 15 years old. As Peter got older and taller, his behavior became even more unpredictable and difficult. His frustration kept building, and we felt helpless. We thought we had done all that we could for him and envisioned a somewhat bleak future for him.


Until…


Jump back in time a couple of months. Out of the blue, I got a Facebook message from a friend from church containing the following message:

Hi, Laura. I just saw a very interesting video on FB about a communication breakthrough for a teenage boy with autism. The 13-minute post was by Jason Hague. I was wondering if you have ever heard of him? He tells the story of breakthroughs recently made by his son, Jack. I was touched by Jack’s story, an dhis dad suggested a couple of links for more info. He also recommended viewing the documentary SPELLERSTHEMOVIE.com/. You may already be familiar with this approach, but I wanted to pass it along just in case. Hugs!

Not having ever heard of any of this, I clicked on the link she sent and watched the video. I was moved, but I was still unsure as to the method of communication the video discussed. I followed links to a website called SPELLERS.com and began to delve in. I did some reading and some research, then watched the documentary. I was astounded. Here was a record of a number of teens and young adults, all non-speakers like Peter, who learned to communicate through spelling on letter boards.


A few weeks went by, and I read on the website about SPELLERS Immersion Week, a week-long training for parents and caregivers to learn the skills needed to lead their child through this communication journey. It was to take place in Tampa in March. I can’t explain this, but I felt compelled to pursue this. I knew from my research that this method has not yet been proven by scientific method, and that there is some controversy and push-back from the professional community.


Still, something told me this was something we needed to try. Other than the financial risk, there was nothing to lose, right? After discussing it with my husband, we decided to bite the bullet and throw ourselves into Immersion Week in Tampa. We had low, low expectations. I’m ashamed to admit this. Having been disappointed so many times, it’s hard to have hope. Hope is difficult. So we went to Tampa, all the while thinking, “What if Peter is the first child in this program who can’t spell at all?”


Fast forward: Immersion Week is over and we are back at home. My husband and I are almost numb, trying to process everything. Our outlook has changed. Our perspectives have changed. Our thought processes have changed. WE have changed.


Because this: Peter CAN spell. Boy, can he spell! I’m talking “CARNIVORE, HONEY BADGER, SNOWBOARD, MILKSHAKE, OCEAN.” More importantly, though, we learned that he is full of knowledge and smarter than we could ever have imagined! All these years he has been absorbing information like a sponge, from every situation and every environment. He knows about history, geography, and science. He knows about politics. He knows about culture. When he answered the question “What does a pescatarian eat?” by spelling FISH, we about fell out of our chairs! He spelled out the capitals of California (SACRAMENTO) and Illinois (SPRINGFIELD). He knew the names of presidents (including the current one). He blew us away when he was asked “Name a person in history who was famous for having a dream,” and he spelled MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.


It was incredible watching this doorway being opened for Peter. If we were not there as witnesses, we would not believe it. Because all this time – nearly 15 years! – we have been told that, developmentally, Peter is at the level of a 7-year-old. Physicians and therapists and teachers have always told us that he has an intellectual disability.


Now we know better, and I want the world to know. Peter is NOT intellectually disabled. He has a motor planning disability. It’s called APRAXIA. It’s a disconnect between the cognitive part of the brain and the part of the brain in charge of motor planning (speech and movement). His intellect is solid, but his body prevents him from being able to “prove” his intelligence by standard testing means. Since every kind of testing measurement requires a degree of motor movement (speaking, signing, pointing, filling in bubbles, etc.), these children with apraxia perform poorly simply because they are not able to complete the motor steps needed to answer questions.


Wrap your head around this: which is the safest option? (1) To assume that a person with autism has an intellectual disability and then limit his/her opportunities; OR (2) to presume that a person with autism is competent and then allow him/her access to age-appropriate learning opportunities? The least dangerous assumption is #2. Presume Competence. Also think about this: among the thousands of clients who have gone on this Spellers journey, not ONE of them has been unable to spell.


Life looks different for our family now. We speak to Peter as if he were a neurotypical 15-year-old. We have vowed to play educational podcasts in the car and watch science and newscasts on TV. We will read age-appropriate books to him. And we will continue to practice the Spellers Method. It’s going to take time and patience and lots of practice. If we stick with it, I am certain that Peter will one day be fully “open” and able to answer any question we ask him with spelling. He WILL be able to tell us what he thinks about his life.


We only hope to someday see him spell, “Thanks, Mom and Dad, for giving me this chance. Thanks for believing in me. I was locked away inside myself. Now I am free. Now you know me.”

Words Hurt

We use the phrase “Words Hurt” often in our house. Usually it’s used in jest when someone is being sarcastic or is taking a jab at someone else. I’ve thought a lot about the true meaning of this phrase lately, though, because I am in the middle of listening to the book of Sirach (some of us are going through The Bible in a Year Podcast by Father Mike Schmitz). I’ve never known much about the Book of Sirach (it’s a bit like Proverbs), but it’s full of wisdom.

The verse from this morning that stuck in my head is this one: “A whip can raise a welt, but a vicious tongue can break bones” (Sirach 28:17). So true! Mere words can hurt and leave lasting damage; damage that lasts longer than any physical injury. How often do we remember the awful words someone has said to us in the distant past? It’s not easy to forget. This is something I struggle with at work: to watch my words to avoid hurting anyone.

This morning, though, Peter’s sweet face popped into my head while pondering the “words hurt” topic. Peter, who has never uttered a word in his life, will NEVER hurt someone in this way. He will never leave lasting wounds on people’s hearts, he will never cause devastation with hurtful words. Not only because he does not speak; that much is obvious. But also because he has a pure heart, and the capacity to cause hurt does not exist in his spirit.

He does not speak, and his heart is pure. We can all learn a lot from him.

Video for Autism Families

I am a medical librarian, and one of my colleagues manages the Center for Disability Resources Library at the University of South Carolina School of Medicine Library.  We were recently awarded a grant from the National Library of Medicine to purchase video equipment so that we may begin producing short YouTube videos for the benefit of families and professionals in the field of disabilities.

We just released 5 videos in the series.  One of them features this blog, “Perfectly Peter,” and offers pointers to families who have children newly diagnosed with autism. Here is the link to the video for autism families.

I cringe to see myself on video, but my hope is to reach more families who feel alone in this journey through autism. Please reach out to me with questions. I’m happy to help.

 

When Things Get Real

It’s easy to go about your day-to-day routine and forget just how special your special needs child can be. Today… Things Got REAL. I realized once and for all that I will likely never be able to bring Peter to the doctor without help.

Peter has had the sniffles for several weeks. Since he can’t blow his nose, things have gotten worse and I suspected he had developed a sinus infection. I stayed home from work today to take him to the pediatrician. Patrick said that if I made the appointment close to lunch hour, he’d meet me there to help out. At first I said I could handle it. Then I had second thoughts and agreed to meet Peter’s Dad at the appointed time.

What followed was a series of HURDLES:

HURDLE #1: The Waiting Room. Thankfully, it was virtually empty, but Peter made it very clear with loud vocalizations that he was not happy to be there. He remembers places very well, and he had not forgotten that one.

HURDLE #2: The Scale. Apparently the scale is Super Scary. I’d forgotten this little tidbit as it has been over a year since Peter has been to the doctor. After much jumping around, distressed noises (from us as well as Peter!), and cajoling, we succeeded in learning Peter’s weight: 114 pounds. Yikes!  He is 10 years old!

HURDLE #3: The Thermometer. “Will he let me take his temperature?” asked the nurse. “Not under his tongue,” I replied. “His armpit?” Apparently not. He wouldn’t let her anywhere near his torso.  This hurdle was not successful.

HURDLE #4: The Doctor. Peter remembers faces as well as places, and as soon as the doctor entered the room, we heard “All Done” from Peter’s Talker. Multiple times.  Sorry, Kid, we have barely begun!

HURDLE #5: The Stethoscope and the Otoscope. Peter has never trusted those shiny instruments. But when you tell a doctor that you suspect your child has a sinus or an ear infection, he kind of needs to check the child’s ears, throat, and nose. This is the point at which I was extremely thankful that Patrick had come along. Picture wresting a 114-pound octopus who is determined to stay as far away from those “scopes” as possible. Patrick held him on his lap, Peter’s back against his chest, and pinned his arms down while at the same time trying to hold his head still. I tried my best to hold down Peter’s legs while the doctor quickly looked in each ear and each nostril. The poor doctor risked life and limb to check those ears! He was never able to look at Peter’s throat, despite the fact that we had practiced saying “aahhhh” all morning. At home, he successfully opened his mouth and stuck out his tongue. Didn’t work at the doctor’s office.

The final result: Sinus Infection, just as suspected. An antibiotic was prescribed, and we took our sweaty selves to the checkout counter and then home.

The adventure wasn’t as bad as some we’ve had. I’ve handled worse situations with Peter by myself. But the difference is that Peter has grown significantly this past year, and I can no longer physically restrain him like I used to. I keep up a weight training regimen for the sole purpose of being able to handle the physical demands of a child with autism. But that’s not enough anymore in situations like the one today. I can’t heft 115 pounds of squirming, kicking boy.

So it GOT REAL for me today.  From now on, I’m going to have to accept this fact: in situations where there may be stress for Peter, I will always need help. That’s a tough thing to accept.

I want to end on a good note, though. We were convinced that the biggest hurdle, HURDLE #6, was going to be THE MEDICINE.  But… miracle of miracles!… we poured the contents of the antibiotic capsules into a quarter cup of applesauce, and Peter ate it with no complaints!  Thank God for small favors.

shoes2

The Shoes

About six months ago, I bought 3 new sets of sneakers for Peter, since his current shoes were worn out and too small.  I had to order them online because he has super wide feet, so I ended up paying a hefty sum for decent shoes with good support. My plan was to try them on him and return one or two sets.

Well… I should know by now that when it comes to Peter, my best laid plans usually fall by the wayside.

Continue reading “The Shoes”

Support for Military Families

I recently wrote an article for the Family Forum column in “Army Aviation Association of America” magazine. This is a resource for the military and their families. It was published in the November 2018 issue. I thought I’d share the article here to reach more people.


I have a child with autism. He is nine years old, completely nonverbal, and must be supervised at all times. Though I am not in a military family now, I grew up in one (my Dad was career Army), so I have a good idea of how families are affected by the military lifestyle. We lived in many different cities and countries, moved every few years, and constantly faced new schools, new homes, new friends, new languages, and new cultures. Continue reading “Support for Military Families”

The Funny Things You Hear in Our House-EPISODE 4: He’s Naked Again!

Have you ever had a nightmare about showing up to school in your pajamas, or being on stage in just your underwear?  Do you remember the feeling of horror and shock, and wanting to BOLT?  Yeah, lots of people have those nightmares.  It involves acute embarrassment due to something that’s totally inappropriate socially. Continue reading “The Funny Things You Hear in Our House-EPISODE 4: He’s Naked Again!”

The Funny Things You Hear in Our House-EPISODE 3: We Need More Duct Tape!

Probably our family should invest in the Duct Tape stock market, or however that works.  Also packing tape, superglue, and batteries.  When we say that Peter wears out his toys, we really mean it!  At our house, you’ll see toys all over the place in various states of destruction – wheels missing from trucks, gouges and scratches on plastic toys, and pages torn or missing from books.  Peter is destructive.  He doesn’t do it on purpose, that’s just the way he is.  He likes to pull things and smash things and rip things.  He also likes to chew on books.  He’d rather chew on a book than on real food, like an apple or a carrot.  This is another example of him being unaware of what is socially unacceptable.  Do I rip my textbooks up at school and pull apart my classmates’ backpacks?  Do I chew on the corners of my Algebra book? No way, because I know that’s not the way to act at school. Peter doesn’t have that awareness, so he does whatever he feels compelled to do. Continue reading “The Funny Things You Hear in Our House-EPISODE 3: We Need More Duct Tape!”

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